Being paid to talk about a football game might sound like the easiest job in history, but it’s not always as simple as you might assume – as this lot have proven over the years.
Many thanks to the Twitter account @C0LEMANBALLS and the book “Pulled Off At Half-Time” – Football’s Finest Quotes and Funniest Quips for the source material in putting this together.
Enjoy. And tweet us any we’ve missed out at @planetfutebol.
“It’s end-to-end stuff, but from side to side” – Trevor Brooking
“The Belgians will play like their fellow Scandinavians, Denmark and Sweden” – Andy Townsend
Stamford Bridge holds 42,000, so 10 per cent of that would be about 4.1 thousand.
– Mike Parry
— COLEMANBALLS (@C0LEMANBALLS) September 19, 2018
“The lad got overexcited when he saw the whites of the goalpost’s eyes” – Steve Coppell
Second [is] best
“Argentina are the second-best team in the world, and there’s no higher praise than that” – Ron Atkinson
“If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again” – Terry Venables
“I would not say that he [David Ginola] is one of the best left wingers in the Premiership, but there are none better” – Ron Atkinson
“We’ve managed to wrong a few rights” – Kevin Keegan
“He’s not only a good player, but he’s spiteful in the nicest sense of the world” – Ron Atkinson
Who’s the bastard on your arm?
“Have a look at your ref, watch ”
– ROBBIE SAVAGE
— COLEMANBALLS (@C0LEMANBALLS) July 24, 2016
Stating the obvious
“They’ve flown in from all over the world, have the rest of the world team” – Brian Moore
“The Italians are hoping for an Italian victory” – David Coleman
“He’s 31 this year: last year he was 30” – David Coleman
“If Glenn Hoddle said one word to his team at half-time, it was concentration and focus” – Ron Atkinson
“Glenn Hoddle hasn’t been the Hoddle we know. Neither has Bryan Robson” – Ron Greenwood
Down to business
“And now we have the formalities over, we’ll have the national anthems” – Brian Moore
If you closed your eyes you couldn’t tell the difference between the two sides.
– Phil Brown
— COLEMANBALLS (@C0LEMANBALLS) March 12, 2018
Did they or didn’t they?
“The only thing Norwich didn’t get was the goal they finally got” – Jimmy Greaves
“Welcome to Bologna on Capital Gold for England vs San Marino with Tennent’s Pilsner, brewed in Czechoslovakian yeast for that extra Pilsner taste, and England are one down” – Jonathan Pearce
Missing: A word
“Tottenham are trying tonight to become the first London team to win this cup. The last team to do so was the 1973 Spurs team” – Mike Ingham
Confidence seems to be draining away. You can invisibly see that.
– MICHAEL OWEN
— COLEMANBALLS (@C0LEMANBALLS) July 1, 2016
“For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the yellow strip” – John Motson
“It was the game that put the Everton ship back on the road” – Alan Green
“One or two of their players aren’t getting any younger” – Clive Tyldesley
Some things stay the same…
“I came to Nantes two years ago and it’s much the same today, except that it’s completely different” – Kevin Keegan
Maybe they did?
Julian Dicks is everywhere. It’s like they’ve got eleven Dicks on the field.
– Metro Radio
— COLEMANBALLS (@C0LEMANBALLS) May 19, 2015
A really bad pass
“Ziege hits it high for Heskey, who isn’t playing” – Alan Green
“Well, Clive, it’s all about the two Ms – movement and positioning” – Ron Atkinson
“Xavier, who looks like Zeus, not that I have any idea what Zeus looks like” – Alan Green
Just a number
“The ageless Teddy Sheringham, 37 now” – Tony Gubba
“Brazil – they’re so good it’s like they are running around the pitch playing with themselves” – John Motson
Eyes don’t lie
Steven Gerrard looks as though he’s been playing for England all his international career.
– Trevor Brooking
— COLEMANBALLS (@C0LEMANBALLS) June 15, 2015
They might struggle
“England now have three fresh men, with three fresh legs” – Jimmy Hill
More of a jog
“Manchester United have hit the ground running – albeit with a 3-0 defeat” – Bob Wilson
It probably could…
“Roy Keane, his face punches the air” – Alan Brazil
Four for one
“The one thing England have got is spirit, resolve, grit and determination” – Alan Hansen
“More football later, but first let’s see the goals from the Scottish Cup final” – Des Lynam
And here’s to the main man, Chris Kamara.