Being paid to talk about a football game might sound like the easiest job in history, but it’s not always as simple as you might assume – as this lot have proven over the years.

Many thanks to the Twitter account @C0LEMANBALLS and the book “Pulled Off At Half-Time” – Football’s Finest Quotes and Funniest Quips for the source material in putting this together.

Enjoy. And tweet us any we’ve missed out at @planetfutebol.


“It’s end-to-end stuff, but from side to side” – Trevor Brooking


“The Belgians will play like their fellow Scandinavians, Denmark and Sweden” – Andy Townsend


Mixed metaphor

“The lad got overexcited when he saw the whites of the goalpost’s eyes” – Steve Coppell

Second [is] best

“Argentina are the second-best team in the world, and there’s no higher praise than that” – Ron Atkinson


“If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again” – Terry Venables


“I would not say that he [David Ginola] is one of the best left wingers in the Premiership, but there are none better” – Ron Atkinson

Bad men

“We’ve managed to wrong a few rights” – Kevin Keegan

Lovely sh*thouse

“He’s not only a good player, but he’s spiteful in the nicest sense of the world” – Ron Atkinson

Who’s the bastard on your arm?

Stating the obvious

“They’ve flown in from all over the world, have the rest of the world team” – Brian Moore

And again

“The Italians are hoping for an Italian victory” – David Coleman

And again

“He’s 31 this year: last year he was 30” – David Coleman

Word up

“If Glenn Hoddle said one word to his team at half-time, it was concentration and focus” – Ron Atkinson

Be yourself

“Glenn Hoddle hasn’t been the Hoddle we know. Neither has Bryan Robson” – Ron Greenwood

Down to business

“And now we have the formalities over, we’ll have the national anthems” – Brian Moore


Did they or didn’t they?

“The only thing Norwich didn’t get was the goal they finally got” – Jimmy Greaves


“Welcome to Bologna on Capital Gold for England vs San Marino with Tennent’s Pilsner, brewed in Czechoslovakian yeast for that extra Pilsner taste, and England are one down” – Jonathan Pearce

Missing: A word

“Tottenham are trying tonight to become the first London team to win this cup. The last team to do so was the 1973 Spurs team” – Mike Ingham

Third Eye


“For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the yellow strip” – John Motson


“It was the game that put the Everton ship back on the road” – Alan Green


“One or two of their players aren’t getting any younger” – Clive Tyldesley

Some things stay the same…

“I came to Nantes two years ago and it’s much the same today, except that it’s completely different” – Kevin Keegan

Maybe they did?

A really bad pass

“Ziege hits it high for Heskey, who isn’t playing” – Alan Green


“Well, Clive, it’s all about the two Ms – movement and positioning” – Ron Atkinson

Guess who

“Xavier, who looks like Zeus, not that I have any idea what Zeus looks like” – Alan Green

Just a number

“The ageless Teddy Sheringham, 37 now” – Tony Gubba

Distraction tactic

“Brazil – they’re so good it’s like they are running around the pitch playing with themselves” – John Motson

Eyes don’t lie

They might struggle

“England now have three fresh men, with three fresh legs” – Jimmy Hill

More of a jog

“Manchester United have hit the ground running – albeit with a 3-0 defeat” – Bob Wilson

It probably could…

“Roy Keane, his face punches the air” – Alan Brazil

Four for one

“The one thing England have got is spirit, resolve, grit and determination” – Alan Hansen


“More football later, but first let’s see the goals from the Scottish Cup final” – Des Lynam

The King

And here’s to the main man, Chris Kamara.

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