2020 is finally nearly over. We’ve almost made it through.
There’s only one way to celebrate that, and that’s by ranking Europe’s top 15 players across the entire calendar year using quotes from some of the best movies to escape the wreckage that was 2020.
“You know what the problem is with being the smartest person in the world? Everyone else seems stupid!” (Sonic the Hedgehog)
De Bruyne’s intelligence was on show throughout 2020 as he registered more assists than any other Premier League player,
The second half of 2020 was a little slower for the Man City man, but his electric form in 2019/20 is enough to earn De Bruyne a spot in these rankings.
“This gangster, Amir Asif, he holds a massive sway in Dhaka. You get your hands on this kid, it’s going to get complicated.”
“It’s always f**king complicated, isn’t it?” (Extraction)
2020 was a little complicated for Sancho.
After looking like a £120m player in the first half of the year, Sancho was involved in a transfer saga which left Manchester United with egg on their face, and he hasn’t been the same since.
“So are you good guys or bad guys?”
“Depends on the century.”
“We fight for what we think is right.” (The Old Guard)
Have we worked out whether Real Madrid are good or bad yet?
Even with Los Blancos floundering for a large part of this year, Benzema has continued to shine, leading by example and firing in goals all year long.
“Don’t try to understand it. Feel it.” (Tenet)
Understanding what’s going on at Tottenham is tough. Are they future champions? Or are they just defending their way through life?
Despite all that uncertainty, Son has managed to reach double figures in both goals and assists in 2020, with the second half of the year bringing some real rewards for one of the most exciting forwards around.
“It’s always there, the truth. You just need to look for it.” (Enola Holmes)
After years of being made to look like a joke, Lukaku showed everyone what he is really about in 2020.
Few players managed more goals across the calendar year than the Inter man, whose reputation as one of Europe’s most feared strikers is well and truly back.
“It’s only by helping others that we can truly help ourselves.” (Dolittle)
Kane realising he loves assisting other players (mainly just Son) was one of the more intriguing outcomes of 2020.
He ends the year as an elite goalscorer with a dangerous eye for a pass, and his form is a large part of the reason Spurs are being tentatively suggested as title contenders.
“Come with me. I mean it. So I can ask you to marry me on a tropical beach.”
“Oh, I’d like that, but we can’t. The world has gone crazy, Ernie. Let’s wait until we can be together.” (Greyhound)
No, those aren’t leaked texts between Mbappe and Real Madrid manager Zinedine Zidane, but instead quotes from the movie Greyhound.
2021 could see Mbappe become the most expensive player of all time, and given his electric form over this past year, it’s hard to argue he doesn’t deserve that kind of price tag.
“In the real world, the power goes to where it always goes, to the people that already have it.” (Project Power)
Already one of the game’s most dominant forwards, Salah continued to reign supreme in 2020, finally getting his hands on the Premier League title.
While others in Liverpool‘s attack have endured spells out of form, Salah has remained in the spotlight, using his goals to ensure Jurgen Klopp’s side stay on top.
“I’mma penetrate this man’s soul with my heart.”
“What?” (Bad Boys for Life)
If anyone could penetrate a man’s soul with their heart, it’s Muller.
The Bayern Munich star set a new Bundesliga assist record in 2020 and has started the current season in similarly creative form. He doesn’t always get the credit he deserves for his side’s dominance.
“If you want boys to respect you, show them you’re serious. Shoot something, blow it up!” (Birds of Prey)
Defenders around Europe were left with no choice but to respect Immobile after he made Serie A history in 2019/20.
His 36 goals – 19 of which came in the second half of the season – matched the record for most goals in a single campaign, and they were enough to earn him the European Golden Shoe for his troubles.
“The world’s a dangerous place. You never know what’s coming. You never know.” (The Call of the Wild)
Who could have predicted what Messi would get up to in 2020?
On top of racking up a ridiculous number of goals and assists, there was also the small matter of a tiny, little burofax which turned the entire world on its head.
Messi’s got his head back in the game now though, so defenders should be scared.
“We have a real connection. A rare and intense attachment. I’ve never experienced anything like it.” (I’m Thinking of Ending Things)
Those are words every United fan will have said about Fernandes at some point in 2020.
After saving the Red Devils’ season last year, Fernandes has continued to excel in 2020/21 and has managed to turn his team into genuine title contenders.
“Adrian was brilliant. But it wasn’t because of anything he invented, it was how he got in people’s heads.” (The Invisible Man)
Remember when Haaland fired his way into PSG’s heads in the Champions League last 16 last year, and the French side through an entire street party to celebrate coming out on top?
Getting one over on Haaland was easier said than done in 2020. He bagged 33 goals in just 32 games following his move to Dortmund, and now he’s one of Europe’s elite.
“I think, with a little bit of magic in your life, you can do almost anything.” (Onward)
He ended the campaign as a Serie A champion and is still scoring goals like a man determined to add another title to his CV.
“Brilliance should be acknowledged.” (The Gentlemen)
Lewandowski missing out on the Ballon d’Or is the biggest injustice the football world has seen in recent memory. The man was on fire.
The Pole was Europe’s finest player in 2020 by a long way, and the fact that he roared to The Best FIFA Men’s Player award proved that. It wasn’t even close.